Sometimes I look at my daughter when she comes home from school, and it feels like she’s grown 2 inches since she walked out the door that same morning.
During moments like these, I can’t help but feel a double & paradoxical pang:
1) The pang of realization that my self-time for the day is over, and I have to move into playdate-hosting, snack-making, child-serving mode, and
2) the pang of realization that my baby is growing up at lightning speed, and my time with her is increasingly fleeting and precious.
Over the years I’ve learned one thing. And that is that when these two ‘pangs’ mate, they tend to produce guilt-ridden offspring.
I miss my family so much ... and yet I miss myself desperately.
I long for the freedom to explore, express and follow my own bliss, ... and yet I don’t want to miss out on a single moment of my child’s life.
I feel so much love in my life ... but I don’t always feel quite so respected.
I'm desperate for help ...but I can't quite trust anyone else to do it right.
I cherish my family and friends, and love being part of a larger community ... but I’m drowning in a cascade of relational obligations.
I’ve chosen with all of my heart this wonderful, glorious blessing called "motherhood" ... but I seem to be turning into an out-of-control, screaming, grunting, irritable & resentful monster!
So many of the moms I work with find it extremely challenging to stay connected totheir own needs, feelings and dreams while holding such profound responsibility for the life of their child/ren... and family... and career... and...
It's like we forget to breathe. We run around, multi-tasking like Tasmanian Devils, living nose-deep in calendars and head-high in worries. We're everywhere but the present. Our happiness, if not irrelevant, isn't important enough to get "scheduled in."
And 'Mindfulness'... well, that's just some lovely, distant, unreachable concept that we read something about, back-in-the-day.
When was the last time someone asked you, "Hey, how are you doing? Are you happy? Is there something -- or someone — you need?" When was the last time you took a moment and just paid attention... to what was going on inside of you? Or, to what was going on all around you -- without re-acting, or rushing to fix, or save, or serve?
When was the last time someone put a hand on your heart, and another on your back, and gave you permission to give out a sigh... or to have a good (& well-deserved) cry?!
I invite you right now, to put a hand on your heart, and take a deep breath... and whisper gently to yourself, "Your happiness matters. YOU matter. And I love you." : )
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Disclaimer: Rosy is an ordained minister of Designed to Blossom of AIWP and provides something more akin to spiritual counseling than psychotherapy. The work she does is with highly functional people, for whom ‘spirit’ plays a central role in their life. Rosy does not give diagnoses, work with pathology, or claim to be an expert offering a treatment or cure.